of a company executive decided to stop by
her husband's office.
On entering the office, she saw the females
secretary sitting on her husband ’s laps.
In order to defend himself knowing he has
been caught red-handed,
the husband said shouting “budget cut or
no budget cut, management must do
something. I and my
secretary cannot be sharing this office with
in an examination hall, a student all of a sudden left his seat and sat on d floor. surprisingly, d invigilator asked what could hav made him do dat. he replied, " question number 2 says without using table differentiate between civilian rule and military rule"
son asks his father, "What can you tell me about politics? I have to learn about it for school tomorrow."The father thought some and said, "OK, son, the best way I can describe politics is to use an analogy.Let's say that I'm a capitalist because I'm the breadwinner.Your mother will be the government because she controls everything, our maid will be the working class because she works for us, you will be the people because you answer to us, and your baby brother will be the future. Does that help any?"The little boy said, "Well, Dad, I don't know, but I'll think about what you said."Later that night, after everyone had gone to bed, the little boy was awaken by his baby brother's crying. Upon further investigation, he found a dirty diaper. So, he went down the hall to his parent's bedroom and found his father's side of the bed empty and his mother wouldn't wake up. Then he saw a light on in the guest room down the hall, and when he reached the door, he saw through the crack that his father was in bed with the maid. The son then turned and went back to bed.
The next morning, he said to his father at the breakfast table, "Dad, I think I understand politics much better now."
"Excellent, my boy," he answered, "What have you learned?"
The little boy thought for a minute and said, "I learned that capitalism is screwing the working class, government is sound asleep ignoring the people, and the future's full of crap.
A nigeria lady got married to a chinese guy, and gave birth to a son, d
baby died after 5days. Her aunt started cryin sayin; l knew it, i knew
it. A relative tuk her 2 a corna and ask her wat she meant by she knw it
.she said . I no say china product no dey last, u no dey see their
phones?
The aboki laughed at him and said, ''na u be mumu, my password na 5298 no be four x!!!
A call from a 419 guy with caller ID hidden:
Mr. 419: Hello, how are you?
I: Fine. Please, who am I speaking with?
Mr. 419: Haba, don"t you remember me? Who do you know in UK that could
be calling?
(Sensing a scam, I threw in a trap, )
I: Johnson! Is that you? (meanwhile, I don"t know any Johnson in UK
.)
(Thinking it"s a break, he swallows the bait)
Mr. 419 : Of course, this is Johnson! How come you didn"t recognize my
voice initially?
(Certain it"s a scam, I decided to punish him verbally and financially.
I had the time that morning so I was going to assist him waste his call
credit.)
I: Jooooooohnson! You are a specially bad
boy. Your father died, you didn"t so much as show up or send a note.
Your children will repay you with such.
Didn"t you hear about his demise? H was so bitter and full of
original curses for you.
Mr. 419: (Obviously subdued) I didn"t hear. I would have come.
I: Too bad. You heard your mama is leprous too? You didn"t hear
about that?
Mr. 419: (Now uncomfortable) No, I didn"t hear.
I: (Enjoying myself thoroughly). Too bad. Is your wife that foolish
too? Not even a word from her after you folks married without our
blessings? If the husband is not wise, is the wife lame-witted too?
Mr. 419: She"s fine. I"m certain she"ll get across to you. There"s an
issue,
(breaking in before he begins his story)
I: Johnson, you offended me. I sent you money to buy me
a car and you just disappeared. When am I having my money back?
You want me to curse you too like your father did? I don"t have his
kind of patience I"m sure you know. I won"t wait that long before I
give you what you deserve.
Mr. 419: (Grunted). This issue is important,
I: Shut up!!! When are you sending money home? Haba! We sent you to
school, clothed you and sent you abroad, Are you now a 419?
Stealing from me your friend too. Your father was right to curse you,
And you can"t escape it if you continue like this. It"s not a curse.
Mr. 419: I"ll repay you.
After about 15 minutes of moves and countermoves, I owned up.
I: See Mr. 419, I don"t know any Johnson in UK . I just needed to
teach you a lesson. Go get a proper job.
Mr. 419: Madman, and
you"ve been cursing me since morning!
Disconnected
Answer all question.
Note no calculator or any electronic devices.
Time:- 1hr:30mins only
SECTION 1:- OBJECTIVE
1) What is the name of the first Igbo boy that opened shop at Alaba international market?
(a) Don jazzy (B) Anyim Pius Anyim (c) Gov. Peter Obi
2) Who addressed herself as a widow while her husband is still alive?
(a)Jonathan Patience (B) Turai (c)Stella
3) Who Strike pass?
(a) BH Boys (B)Thunder (c) ASUU (d)Patience Dame
4) You can sharpen cutlass on Banky W’s head
(a) True (B) false (c) I don’t know
5) What are the names of the two people holding hands when you power-on a Nokia phone?
(a) Charly Boy and Denrele (B) Ryan Giggs and John Terry (C) OBJ and IBB
6) If the past tense of take is took, the past tense of make is
(a) Mook (B) maked (c) maken
7) I have a dream is to Luther King as I have no shoes is to …..
(a) GEJ (B) IBB (c) OBJ
8 ) What is the plural form of GARRI
(a) garris (B) garried (B) garium
9) If Adekunle Chukuwma Ciroma Finally Passes WAEC, will he write JAMB next year?
(a) No (B)Yes (c) He will opt for NURTW
10) Which University has the highest no. of babes that travel to Dubai for 2weeks and return with British accent?
(a)EBUs B)UNIJOS (c)UNIABJ (d) MAULAG
SECTION 2:- THEORY Attempt all questions.
(1a) Differentiate between Do or Die and if I don’t win the next election their will be blood shed.
(B) If it took Goodluck Ebele Jonathan 50years to trek to Aso rock without SHOES, how long will it take if he was putting on “CANVASS”
(2a) Using Almighty Formula, calculate the diameter of Banky W’s head (take ♊=3.14)
(B) If your X-Boyfriend or X-girlfriend Wins N100Million Naira In The Glo WINBIG Promo 2 Days After you Broke Up! FIND X! I Repeat! Find X”
(3a) If Ada is a girl, and Obi is a boy, who is Adaobi?
(B) What are the surnames of the three statues that welcome you to Lagos?
Goodluck to you all.
A guy asked a girl in a library; “Do you mind if I sit beside you”. The girl answered with a loud voice I DON’T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOUUU!!!”. All the students in the library started staring at theguy and he was embarrassed.
After a couple of minutes, the girl walked quietly to the guy’s table and she told him “I study psychology and i know what a man is thinking, I guess u felt embarrassed right?
The guy with a loud voice said”5000 Naira JUST FOR ONE NIGHT HABA THAT’S TOO MUCH Ooo!!! and all the people in the library looked at the girl in shock and the guy whispered in her ears “I study law and I know how to make someone feel guilty.
Son: “Daddy, I fell in love & want to date this
beautiful girl!”
Father: “That’s great son. Who is she?”
Son: “It’s Sandra, the neighbor’s daughter”
Father: “Ohhh I wish you hadn’t said that. I have to
tell u something son, but you must promise not to tell your mother. Sandra is actually your sister.”
The boy is naturally bummed out, but a couple of
months later.
Son: “Daddy, I fell in love again n she is even
hotter!”
Father: “That’s great son. Who is she?” Son: “It’s Angela, the other neighbor’s daughter.”
Father: “Ohhhh I wish you hadn’t said that.
Angela is also your sister.”
This went on couple of times and the son was so
mad, he went straight to his mother crying.
Son: “Mum, I am so mad at dad! I fell in love with six girls but I can’t date any of them because dad is
their father!”
The mother hugs him affectionately and says:
“My love, you can date whoever you want. Don’t
listen to him. He isn’t your father.
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